"You Don't Need That"

christina0058
Jun 27
2 min read

Our Relationship With Food – Part 2

Maybe it was dessert. Maybe it was seconds at dinner. Maybe it was a snack after a hard day.

At some point, most of us heard the words :“You don’t need that.”

They may seem harmless. Even helpful .But for many of us, those four words planted the seeds of a complicated relationship with food—one shaped by judgment, control, and shame, rather than hunger, joy, or self-trust.

When Food Becomes More Than Fuel

We’re not just taught what to eat—we’re taught why we’re allowed to eat.

And it often starts early:

“You already had enough.”
“That’s not healthy.”
“You didn’t do anything to deserve a treat.”

These phrases may come from a place of love or structure. But over time, they can disconnect us from our own bodies. We learn to ignore hunger, question our cravings, or feel guilt for enjoying food. And suddenly, food becomes a reward, a punishment, a coping tool—anything but nourishment.

The Long Shadow of Childhood Messages

Those early experiences don’t stay in childhood. They grow with us.

As adults, we may find ourselves:

Eating in secret because we feel ashamed
Using food to soothe stress or loneliness
Obsessing over rules, “clean eating,” or cutting out “bad” foods
Feeling like eating is something to earn—or restrict

This isn’t about willpower. It’s about stories we were told and beliefs we’ve internalized.

How to Start Examining Your Relationship with Food

Healing doesn’t start with a new diet. It starts with awareness—and curiosity.

Here are 5 questions to gently explore your relationship with food:

What messages about food did I hear growing up?(“You don’t need that,” “Finish your plate,” “Dessert is only for good behavior”)
When do I reach for food the most—when I’m hungry, or when I’m feeling something else? (Lonely, tired, anxious, bored, celebratory?)
Do I feel guilt or shame after eating certain foods? Why?
Do I give myself unconditional permission to eat—or do I have to earn it through behavior, exercise, or restriction?
How do I speak to myself around food choices? (Would you say the same things to a child or loved one?)